


Might Have Been

by sanctuary_for_all



Series: Partners [47]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 17:25:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14049168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: "Do you ever think about what would have happened of we'd never told each other how we felt?"





	Might Have Been

The sudden absence of Danny next to him woke Steve up faster than almost anything, including gunfire. He stretched his arm out across the opposite side of the bed, in case his husband had just rolled away in his sleep, and when Danny still wasn't there Steve finally opened his eyes in the darkness.

Danny was still in bed, sitting up in that slightly hunched-over way that meant he'd either had a nightmare or the anxiety was eating at him too much to sleep. Whichever it was, Steve did the same thing he always did and curved his body around Danny's. "Want to talk about it?" he said quietly, resting his chin against Danny's shoulder.

Danny let out a breath. "It's stupid."

"It cannot _possibly_ be more stupid than that dream where we had to arrest Dora the Explorer for murder." He still had nightmares – they both did – but these days there were plenty of nights left for the ridiculous ones. "That was so bad you actually promised not to tell the rest of the team."

"I still have no idea why I did that. So much opportunity wasted." Then the lightness disappeared, and his voice turned oddly hesitant. "Do you ever think about what would have happened of we'd never told each other how we felt?"

Steve went still, surprised by the question. "We did, though."

"Yeah, but it was almost by accident." He covered Steve's hand with his own. "Matt used to be obsessed with the idea of multiple universes when he was a kid. That there's a thousand versions of you out there somewhere, making different choices and living different lives."

Steve had both loved and hated the concept in equal measure when he was younger. "I think Jet Li did a movie about it."

Danny breathed out a laugh, tilting his head back so it rested against Steve's shoulder. "You are such a nerd."

Steve smiled a little. "Your nerd."

"Always." Then his hand tightened on Steve's, and his voice turned sober again. "As long as you stuck around afterward, I'm sure that all the versions of me that ran into you in your dad's garage ended up falling in love with you. The timing might have been different, either on when I fell or when I admitted it to myself, but there's no chance it didn't happen."

Steve's chest ached at the idea that there might be a Steve McGarrett out there somewhere who didn't even _know_ Danny Williams. "Any version of me who ran into you either stayed, or figured out a way to come back." He pressed a kiss against Danny's shoulder. "And they all fell in love with you pretty much immediately, even if they didn't know it."

Even _he_ hadn't realized how early it had been until after they'd gotten together, when the truth about his feelings no longer had the power to hurt. He'd always been so careful to never let himself want things he couldn't have, and he'd never wanted anything the way he'd wanted to be with Danny. The only way he'd stayed sane was by getting very, very good at mislabeling certain things and not thinking about any of it too closely.

Danny was silent for a long moment. "But it took me so long to figure out how I felt," he said finally, so much quieter than Danny ever was. “I don't know if I ever would have accepted that's what it was if I hadn't kissed you. And even if I ended up figuring it out, there's no way I would have actually let myself _tell_ you . I was so sure you couldn’t possibly feel the same way, and if I’d wrecked our friendship by making things weird I would have had to throw myself off a building or something.” It hurt Steve to hear the old pain in Danny’s voice, especially because he remembered exactly what it felt like. “It would have driven me crazy, probably, but I’m pretty sure I would have spent the rest of my life silently, desperately in love with you and praying that you never noticed.”

Steve closed his eyes. That would have been his plan, too. “One of us would have slipped eventually.”

“It baffles me sometimes, how someone with a life as shitty as yours ended up being an optimist.” Still, Danny’s voice eased a little as he pressed his cheek against the side of Steve’s head. “I want to believe that, but I knew how lucky I was to have as much of you as I did. You were pretty messed up when you first got here, but after you’d been back for awhile you’d calmed down enough you could have gone and had a life that had nothing to do with me. I sort of expected it, for awhile there.”

Steve tightened his arms around Danny. “Then you’re an idiot.”

“I get that now, but at the time I thought you were just humoring my unhealthy level of co-dependency because your life had screwed up your sense of acceptable social boundaries.” His thumb stroked lightly along the curve of Steve’s hand. “But you made my life better just by being there. Just by being _you_.” He word caught a little. “My whole life, I’d never had what you gave me. I don’t think I’d ever even really understood it could _be_ like that with someone, before you.”

Being there for Danny was one of the best things Steve felt like he did with his life. Even now, it baffled him that there wasn’t an entire crowd of people lining up for the privilege.

Danny took a deep breath. “And I may be a pessimistic asshole, but I cherish what I have. The more time I had to imagine all the ways I could have lost it, the more determined I would have been not to risk screwing it up. I would have been _less_ likely to slip as time went on, not more.” He turned a little. “And this is the one area where you probably wouldn’t swoop in and save me, because you wouldn’t ever mean to say anything, either. You’re too good at suffering.”

The worst part was, Steve knew, that he wouldn’t even have thought of it as suffering. Having Danny in his life at _all_ had been like water in the desert. It would have never occurred to him that he might have had a chance for more, even if he’d dreamed about it.

And no matter how good the dreams were, they wouldn’t have come anywhere near close to matching the reality of it. “And this is what your nightmare was about?” he asked, voice rough with emotion as he opened his eyes.

“Sort of. Mostly.” He hesitated. “I don’t even know if I’d qualify it as a nightmare, because it just felt so _normal_. Like that was the way things had always been.” He sighed. “Like I said, it’s stupid. There’s enough terrible stuff that could still happen that I shouldn’t let myself worry about things that definitely _didn’t_. But I just….”

“…think about how close it could have been,” Steve finished softly.

“Yeah.” He straightened, pulling away only so he could turn and face Steve. “Off in another universe somewhere, there’s a pair of poor bastards who are desperately in love with each other and will probably never say anything.” He leaned forward, giving Steve a lingering kiss. “And I can’t help feeling sad at the thought that they might end up missing this.”

Only Danny, the supposed ‘tough guy’ in their relationship, would feel protective of versions of themselves they would never even meet. “Who knows?” he murmured, pulling Danny back down onto the bed for another, deeper kiss. “They might get as lucky as we did.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my [original fiction,](https://jennifferwardell.wixsite.com/mybooks) my [blog,](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


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